rest

my eyes flutter
hands reaching out
when I open them
I see your face in the dim light
you look at me and watch me
move in and out of sleep

when I rest my head against your skin
my body feels electric
a soft warm hum
and calm

Last night I rubbed your sagging shoulders
tried to shift your tangledness
pressed my face on the warmth of your neck
your smell, your heat on my skin

I felt the rock inside you
heavy and tender
if i could reach inside your chest
grasp it like treasure
break it into dust
one that blows away in air
i would

Im sorry for the rock, for the tender weight we feel
you mean so much, what feels like a life time
of memories and travels
that I fear will end
And could this really be that end?
Could we both walk away?
I am reluctant to even read those words
speak or write them

you are like an organ inside of my chest
vital and real
hidden inside yet so alive
I feel you pumping
keeping me breathing
pushing me forward
and I am afraid that I need you
afraid of what my body will do
if you disappear
if the veins that tie us together are severed
and you stop pumping
we stop breathing together
the sleep between our bodies is dissolved
and where we rest our heads
there is no warmth from the other
and i cant smell your hot skin on my face
when we rest